The Kingsman are back and better than ever

In 2014, a new spy franchise entered the movie world in hope of finding an audience. What did it have that was different? For starters, it was fun, and secondly it changed up the way people viewed its stars. Colin Firth lost the romantic/period piece stigma attached to him and became a cool ass spy. Samuel L. Jackson showed us that he can still appeal on-screen as a baddie and a new star was found in Taron Egerton. The movie was Kingsman: The Secret Service and it was an awesome film full of fun, excitement, black comedy and changed the spy genre away from the more serious Bourne and Bond film franchises. It’s now 2017, and the gang are back to give us Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

So how do you top a movie, (that was a personal favourite of this reviewer) with a sequel. Well if the old rule of thumb goes, you go bigger. And boy did they for this movie. An even bigger cast, bigger action scenes and more excitement. But before I get ahead of myself let me give you a run down.

Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is back where we left him. As a member of the Kingsman he is joined by his old mate Merlin (Mark Strong) and Lancelot (Sophie Cookson) but no Harry (or is he back?) to fight the crime that threaten the world. After an adrenaline first action scene (seriously it goes right into it, so hold on) we learn that there is a new threat to the Kingsman and the world in the form of drug trafficker Poppy (Julianne Moore). Let’s just say to up Samuel L. Jackson’s character in the first one they have gone all out making Poppy a 50’s housewife with psychotic tendencies. Poppy sets her sights on making drugs legal so that she can leave her remote village in the middle of the jungle and show how powerful she really can be. After the Kingsman relocate to America we are introduced to the Statesman the American version of Kingsman. Headed by Champ (Jeff Bridges) Ginger (Halle Berry) Tequila (Channing Tatum) Whiskey (Pedro Pascal) and maybe even an old friend (seriously I am not going to say it, but his face is on all the posters and even in the trailer and rhymes with Barry) they join forces to take down Poppy and save the world once again.

If you had of not already guessed, I loved this movie. From the awesome action pieces, to the two cultures of America and Britain being together it all worked for this reviewer. Matthew Vaughn is one talented director and writer. From his re-inventing the X-Men Franchise, to creating his own super hero’s without powers in Kick-Ass, to giving us a new fairytale in Stardust the guy is one of my favs. Him and his writing partner Jane Goldman have taken the franchise and moved it along nicely. Even though it does follow the same pattern and structure of the first one, I didn’t care. It got me hooked right where the last one left off.  The action pieces are so intense that I felt I took an adrenaline shot every time they started and felt I needed a lie down when they stopped (oh I do enjoy a good nap).

But I am not going to say that it was just the action, I give a big round of applause to the acting. Why these films work is because they are FUN. Fun people. What movies are meant to be about. Enjoy them. You don’t need to feel like you are changing the world with every piece of film coming out. And it shows with all the actors eating it up. I mean you have four Oscar winners here people. The franchise appeals. That’s all I’m saying. Julianne Moore was so over the top with her sweetness and bad jokes that she was perfect as Poppy. The movie keeps on surprising even throwing in one of the biggest musicians in the world who has some of the best scenes of the movies. I’m not saying who, but Poppy does have robot dogs called Bennie and Jett.  You can work it out from that. All the American gang look like they are having a blast. But I must admit one of them stole the show. Pedro Pascal (Whiskey) is the breakout star here. Dude was awesome with his over the top cowboy act and his lasso that can split a man in half (you will see). I mean where else can you do that but this franchise.

Now the big question is, as the debate will happen like it did for Terminator and Terminator 2, Alien and Aliens, Godfather and Godfather 2 and  even Grease and Grease 2, which one was better. Sorry to disappoint folks but I can’t answer that yet. I love the first one, but have had multiple viewings. So I can’t decide till I see it a few more times (and I definitely will). All I can say is the franchise is in good hands so sit back and enjoy this film for the fun that it is. Let’s just hope number 3 happens soon because these Kingsman (and maybe the Statesman) need to come back and claim their rightful place as the head of the spy table. 

A Mother No One Should Love

I hate this movie.

You’re probably thinking Jimmy calm down why so angry, it’s only a movie? But I will tell you why. This movie is the worst. After watching it I wanted to take a cold shower so badly and scrub my brain to get this movie out of it. Do I have my reasons? I surely do. But hey I guess I better back my statements up with some fact before I start to go off.

Mother is the new movie by Darren Aronofsky. You know the dude who made Requiem for a Dream, Black Swan and my personal fav of his The Wrestler. Well hasn’t he and the studio pulled a fast one over us. Firstly, I must warn you if you have seen the previews and are expecting a clever psychological thriller/horror movie, boy are you going to be disappointed. Clever Paramount and their marketing. This is not that, but a twisted movie about something else. The plot is very simple, a husband (Javier Bardem) and wife (Jennifer Lawrence) are living in a remote home. He a famous poet. She his wife, fixing up her husband’s family home which was destroyed years ago by fire. (BTW I haven’t forgot their names, they don’t have any. Seriously no one in this movie has a character name).  So one day a fan (Ed Harris) and his wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) come by the home to pay their respect to the poet. The husband offers them a place to stay and in return we start to witness the downfall of this movie. What comes next is this. Jennifer Lawrence crying, yelling for everyone to get out of her house, crying, yelling and then falling pregnant (all with a really bad wig). Throw in some blood, a mysterious stone, machine guns, cannibalism, symbolism layed on hard and thick and even (and I can’t believe I am about to say this) Kristen Wiig. Yep the Wiigster turned up. What the heck were you thinking? That was like a kick in the guts seeing her in this.

Where do I start with how bad this movie is? Firstly, I am going to be positive here as I do respect all movie directors and their visions. It was actually, I wouldn’t say interesting, but it held my attention for the first half. Michelle Pfeiffer (please fire your agent after this) is the best thing about it. She actually injects some much needed energy. But after hearing she came out of semi-retirement for this it was a huge let down. (And why, has she run out of Catwoman money already?). But the annoying thing is she leaves half way through and I felt myself cheer on the inside knowing that at least she wouldn’t be exposed like the audience to the rest of this crap. And that’s about it for the positives. Javier Bardem (fire your agent) is such a talented actor. But dude does nothing in this but not give a shit about his wife, allows people to trash his home and yells. And I can’t believe I am about to write this, but here goes. Jennifer Lawrence contributed to one of the worst part about this movie. I know I’m sorry I am a big fan, but no, no, no. But I actually don’t think it was the bad casting. The character was just the worst. After watching her empower women in most of her past movies, she took women back decades in this role. I don’t blame you Jen. A chance to do something different must have been appealing, but no, no, no. Not this. Fire your agent right now.

Now to my biggest problem. As you all know if you have seen Darren Aronofsky’s previous work, he likes to shock his audience. You know what I am talking about Requiem for a Dream, Black Swan etc. There is always a scene which is disturbing. This one though in Mother takes the cake. I am not telling you what, because it makes me sick thinking I actually viewed it. But my question is this? Why in movies like Saw, do they call it torture porn in movies, but a movie like this people think is art? Did he think he was being clever with all the symbolism in this movie? And it wasn’t even that hard to figure it out what they all stood for.  Honestly, this is when a studio should have stepped in and did something about this. It was just not right. I mean I have seen my fair share of scenes in movies which have impacted me, but this was just wrong on so many levels. It was enough for me to nearly walk out (and seriously I wish I did about half way through) this movie just goes off the rails in the second half. I could not hate this movie enough. If you are reading this my fans (all two of you) please do not see this movie. You will thank me for it, because if you feel like throwing away your hard earn dollars throw some my way. I will give you my Paypal account details, because this was just awful. Half a star (only for Michelle). 

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The Beast Has Been Unleashed.

I know it has been a long time peeps, but I am back to deliver my take on the latest movies out there. I don’t know what brought back my inspiration, but I have decided to get this blog up and running. And let me tell you nothing spurred it on, and definitely not this movie that I am about to review. So for my readers (how few there are, but thank you for your support) I give you my review of Alien: Convenant.

Now let me start this review by saying I was one of the many (and I know there are, they might just not be able to admit it) who loved Prometheus. It was a fresh new take on the Alien series. I enjoyed the fresh take, the excitement of something new, the amazing look and thrill ride. It was one of my fav movies of 2012. So being a fan of the series I was excited to hear Ridley Scott has got another chance to take us one more time into this world. But sorry Ridley, maybe you should have left that duty to director Neil Blomkamp. Because today Ridley you let me down.

So I better get to the story. It has been ten years since the last film was set. Elizabeth Shaw is no more and a new crew of the Covenant are on a mission to colonize a new planet (I guess we destroyed Earth or something) so that our species can continue living. Due to a problem on board the ship’s crew are awoken. During this time they receive a beacon of a signal which implies a planet is closer to their location which is habitable. Uh oh. Come on. You know where this is going.

The team lead by Captain Oram (Billy Crudup) and team including Ripley rip-off Daniels (Katherine Waterson), Tennessee (Danny McBride) and new android Walter (Michael Fassbender) all head off on the mission to find out if this planet will be better for colonization. Now without giving anything away something happens, some blood flys and a new breed of you know what enters the story.

Now here is my main problem with this movie. It is so uninteresting. I don’t know if it was the script, the lack of Aliens, or just the main character of Daniels but I really didn’t like this movie. I wanted to, and with all the right ingredients it could have been so much more. I did enjoy the start, but the middle and the end, what the heck happened. I blame many things, but what did it for me was Katherine Waterson. If she is the hope for humanity Ripley style, team we are in trouble. Poor thing looked like she wanted to cry in every scene, even if it wasn’t scary. I mean she was by herself, I’ll look like I want to cry. I am being attacked by an Alien, I think I want to cry. I am walking to work on a truck, you guessed it… I look like I want to cry. Bring back Noomie Rapace any day. Dr. Elizabeth Shaw was hell better and went through much much more. I mean she gave herself a C-Section. Top that Katherine Waterson. 

Now Ridley, I know you are getting on in age, but dude, this movie was not your best. I had hoped for more, but I was very disappointed. Look fellow readers, if you want to see it, go and witness the franchise once again. I mean the people did listen to their fans, you are going to get chest busters, Aliens, eggs and guns. But what you won’t get is an entertaining piece that deserves the Alien brand. For all its worth and the bad reviews it got, this movie makes Alien 3 a classic. You could even say they used the same special effects they used from that movie (and that was nearly 13 years ago, bit scary when special effects have come so far).  I do give this movie points for cinematography. Iceland looked amazing. But that’s about it. If the rumours are true and Ridley is coming back for the next chapter, if he keeps this cast count me out of returning. Honestly, when you are rooting for the beast to win you know the characters are bad.

1.5/5